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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
If you haven’t listened to The Dawn and Drew Show while shopping at the grocery store, do yourself a favor and load up your iPod the next time you head out to buy kibbles. Here in Missoula, they don’t hire Tards to work in grocery stores the way they do back in Ohio, (must be Akroness), so one must find new and innovative ways to entertain oneself when wondering the aisles.
I loaded up the Nano with the newest D+D show and headed over to Rosaeurs, a local grocery store, to grab some lip balm and a bite to eat for lunch. As I’m crossing the busy lunch hour South Avenue on foot, I burst out laughing when Dawn begins describing her dream in which people had to shove food into their assholes and vaginas in some sort of contest. Cars swerved to avoid the crazy man in a black hoodie (me), and I strolled on down the lane.
Approaching the store, I consciously think to myself, You can’t laugh in the store and am repeating this to myself as some sort of mantra. As I’m walking past the deli counter, Dawn is explaining, at Drew’s request, the types of foods that are being stuffed into various orifices. Thinly sliced ham is on the list. I am ready to explode with laughter as I walk past the fingerprint laden glass, which displays a sign for thinly sliced ham, in Comic Sans, advertising the weekly special. I kid you not.
The sound is not turned up all the way in my headphones, but it’s loud enough that I cannot hear anyone when they speak to me. I’m trying to decide which shitty sushi I want to buy when Dawn begins explaining that, in her dream, after everyone has jammed various foods up inside themselves, they must squirt it out onto a scale. Whoever has crammed the most edible stuff into them wins. As she’s explaining this, one of the lunch counter girls is asking me something. it was a little surreal, listening to Dawn go on and having this girl almost lip-syncing to it but not knowing it. She’s talking quite a bit, but I can’t hear her and she can’t see that I have headphones in my ears because I have my hood on. Couple that with the fact that I am wearing sunglasses because I had my eyes dilated at my optometrist’s earlier today, and the look of confusion on her face when I nodded and smiled was understandable.
I found it hilarious.
I nearly bit my tongue in half trying not to laugh, got some California rolls and headed for the checkout line.
There’s no punchline, no moral to the story, no witty ending. But all day I have found myself laughing a little to myself here in my cube.
Meanwhile, I’ll be showing up around these parts more often. I have to head over to FedEx in the morning to pick up my new Intel iMacG5 (20″ bitches!) and the cable company’s coming on Wednesday to hook up Internet. I’m like a kid on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa to arrive. Expect that I have to drive to Santa’s house to pick up my presents.
This was in my inbox this morning, and I just had to share it. Hope you all appreciate it. I’m sure Brad won’t mind.
Friend of my friend S___, a blonde college girlfriend, a blowjob in a
public bathroom, the apology email,and the inspired response. The
spirit was with him….he was not the writer, he was taken over by the
True Presence. It is one of the most goddamn genius emails I have
read. Get through the girl’s email. It is worth it.
E________
—–Original Message—–
From: [mailto:*******
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM
To: ******
Subject: ugh
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I
am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all
of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't
handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird,
I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The
world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me,
there are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I
don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also
hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds
totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant
role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally
strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior
didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you
hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that
fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever
imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my
life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
really don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load
of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45
minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't Fuck
him" somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to
you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been
most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings
for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't
think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run
of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as
your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty
hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my
place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up
tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning
commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for
a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that
when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on
top of a towel dispenser last saturday [sic], we’ll have a shot and laugh
our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I BCC’d about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
Some entertainment. [link]Â Meanwhile, I’ve not been writing for a while as I am busy putting together an art show. I’ll see if I can’t spare some time, but I doubt it. I’ll be posting the process of putting the show together at the other site, as well as putting up the pieces featured in the show.All for now.[update] So, Rats Live On lives no more. He said, after this little exchange that he was going to quit blogging. But he actually pulled down his site completely.
The entire exchange occurred as a result of a comment I wrote at blogcritics.org on one of his posts. He was posting about the ridiculousness of the new INXS band, and the ordeal of selecting a new lead singer on the reality TV show. He didn’t like how the selections were going.
I commented that his article would have been a stronger one without the use of the word “fuck”. I was very diplomatic in the way I worded my comment so as not to appear attacking. He ripped into me on his now defunct site, personally attacking me, my writing and my art.
All that’s left is the original post over at Blogcritics. Interestingly, even though he killed his blog and is no longer participating at BC, my comment was deleted, but his post remains. Just to be sure, I checked, and my posts themselves have not been deleted.
Some of you know that I am a software tester. A precarious job when dealing with developers who take pride in their work. I find bugs, and some of them take it personally. I don’t ever mean it that way, and have to be diplomatic in the way that I talk to them about their code. I also try to bring a sense of humor to the department as evidenced by my office:
Notice the head. The sheep is not my doing, but it’s funny, so I left it there. A hog-tied sheep hanging above my desk, what could be better?
Remembering that we write ASP .Net application called CHAIN, I wrote the following ode to our senior developer….
Ode to Jim Kinsey
1 Jim is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in zeros and ones,
he leads me beside .Net user manuals,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for the CHAIN’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of bugs,
I will fear no evil,
for Jim is with me;
his mouse and your keyboard,
they comfort me.
5 On Wednesdays he prepares a build before me
in the presence of mine enemies, the bugs.
He anoints my screen with CHAIN love;
my ROM overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the CHAIN
forever.
I and several other people thought it was funny. And I’m sure God has a sense of humor, He’s a Good Guy, right? I wrote that for my departments eyes only, quite a while ago.
Which is why I was a little surprised when it appeared in the company bi-weekly newsletter, but whatever, I didn’t think anything about it. I knew it might ruffle some feathers, but I didn’t think it would be a huge deal. It’s also important to note that the deciding forces who published the little mash-up poem/bible verse edited out the numbering, so that it looked even less like a bible verse.
Apparently it was a huge deal.
I got a headsup email from a co-worker about it. This particular person is responsible for the newsletter’s publication.
From : [name and address suppressed]
Sent : Thursday, July 14, 2005 9:06 AM
To : lovenotfear
Subject : fyi
I was scolded this morning for the tweaked bible poem. Scolding person said she was going to talk to you but I insisted that you had nothing to do with the poem’s inclusion. Don’t know if she is still planning to talk to you, but just so’s you know.
So literal, these people. And so testy.
I do not save my SENT messages, so I cannot include the complete thread. Apparently, though, this got carried away, and several other people were reprimanded, along with a formal complaint being filed with HR.
Here’s the rest of the partial thread I have…
I for one do not get it, but whatever. What, like god got no sense of humor? We make fun of everything/one else….
…For me it was this:
her: I want to run something by you.
me: okay, what’s up
her: that poem that you ran in the [newsletter], of [Marc's], don’t ever do that again.
me: (in my head: okay, that sounds a lot more like an order than ‘running something by me, but okay) out loud: okay
her: because it is a religious poem that he took and twisted (not sure about this exact wording) and it was really inappropriate and I’ve already had a complaint
me:
her: and I’m going to talk to [xxxxx] and Marc about it too
me: okay
me: sorry
her: oh, no. (no, don’t be sorry? no, it’s not a big deal? I didn’t get that last part)
then about two minutes later I sent her the email that says not your fault, so I doubt she’ll even talk to you. Because, what, she can’t get pissed at you for WRITING it, only at us for putting it in there.
Anyway, the whole thing just reinforced my opinion that people who give a shit about what other people say/write about what THEY believe in but that other people may not and are NOT REQUIRED to believe in are a pain in the ass.
and FURTHERMORE
why do they get to be the arbiters of good taste? Why can we put mention of [xxxxx's] freakishly large pencil but not a poem for Jim Kinsey? Because religious writing has never inspired anything else, god knows, throughout the years.
I’m fired up now.
OK, so I realize that the poem is probably not work appropriate, just as religious email FWDs in the office or hanging religious posters in one’s office is not work appropriate unless one works in a church office, for example. However, as I stated before, several people for whom it was intended found it amusing. And really, I find the whole situation amusing, because these religious nuts take themselves far far far too seriously. It’s a good thing they missed my earlier poetic efforts. I’m sure they really would have loved it.
Have a new story ready to roll but Internet’s spotty @ home. Meantime, here are some things that have been keeping me entertained of late…
And, just to let you know what you’re in for, some hate mail from The Best Page in the Universe
Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 17:12:28 -0700
From: Janine L.
To: maddox@xmission.com
Subject: Lonely Bitter Man
Hmm, after reading your articles about classifying nerds. I guess you fit
into one of those categories. Hmm, shall I say the lonely, bitter one
that sits at home all day and sulks about how much his life sucks?
Oh, and pretty sad that you go and diss little kids pictures. I guess
your parents didn’t beat you enough when you were a kid cause you sure
didn’t turn out fine.
He had this to say about blogs. For the most part, he’s right on,
He’s also an art critic, which is what the hate mail above references.
From the fine folks over @ Haiku Circus
Hope to get that story up before the week’s out.
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Filed Under (Humor, Music) by Marc Moss on 09-06-2005
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So I got called into the radio station to fill a show one recent Friday morning. I am not A morning person. At all. And I had to be in the studio @ 5.45AM. I knew I needed to do something to motivate myself so that I wouldn’t sound all tired for my listeners.
Here it is. (You need Quicktime to view.)
You’re not the Cat’s Pajamas anymore, Baby.[clicky]*
*Note: Originally I had the movie embedded, but thought better of it. No sense forcing you to watch.
IM Transcript
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
it’s quite a morning you’ve had, mr. man
secret agent man:
i can’t talk right now. I am busy mobilizing troops to attack Madagascar
secret agent man:
They have violated international environmental laws, killing off a rare species of fruit fly
secret agent man:
and now they must pay with their lives
secret agent man:
how is thy morning progressing, O Amy?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i woke up with a liger in my bed
secret agent man:
awesome
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
she was fat and orange…
secret agent man:
and bred for her magic and skilz
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
so she was pretty easy to stop
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
magic she has, skilz not so much
secret agent man:
NSM - not so much.
secret agent man:
heh. a new abrev.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
fancy…
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i was in thailand briefly last night
secret agent man:
very nice
secret agent man:
and how was it?
secret agent man:
did you manage to avoid being hit by lunatic rickshaw drivers hyped up on mate?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
well, really i just had enough time to feast
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i did
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
barely
secret agent man:
you’re lucky
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
yeah
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
tonight i’m getting busy with patrick swayze
secret agent man:
I heard
secret agent man:
you slore
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
yeah
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
looks like tortilla warmers are on sale
secret agent man:
save me a case
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
weren’t you looking for one of those?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
or 12?
secret agent man:
one?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
jinx
secret agent man:
I need one for each tortilla
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
right
secret agent man:
better save me two cases
secret agent man:
with my new house in Stevensville, I have plenty of room to spread out in the kitchen now
secret agent man:
I took it by force last night
secret agent man:
A couple of cases of whiskey, 1,200 rounds of ammo
secret agent man:
they did not have a chance
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
is the bike fixable?
secret agent man:
in their pussy SUVs with their faggy “Support Our Troops ” magnets.
secret agent man:
wusses
secret agent man:
why fix it?
secret agent man:
I’m just going to buy another one this afternoon
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
buy me one..
secret agent man:
what colour do you want?
secret agent man:
and are you looking for a BMW crotch rocket or a Fat Boy
secret agent man:
or a Sportster?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
a fatty
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
lavender
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
please
secret agent man:
OK, no problem
secret agent man:
and a windshield, too, and all of the extra chrome they have?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i love lots of chrome
secret agent man:
OK
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
and a little tv
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
to fit right above the handlebars
secret agent man:
I’ll also get you a lavender leather jacket with lots of zippers
secret agent man:
and some chaps to match
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
and fringe
secret agent man:
and gloves with fringe
secret agent man:
right
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
elbow length, lots of fringe
secret agent man:
and some fur
secret agent man:
real fur
secret agent man:
taken from real ligers
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
awesome
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
the helmet can’t match, though
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i’m thinking…something with flames
secret agent man:
of course
secret agent man:
and a huge chrome point
secret agent man:
like a kaiser might wear
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
(someone just walked by as i’m laughing, alone in my office…)
secret agent man:
kill them
secret agent man:
we allow for no one to incite weakness in our ranks
secret agent man:
did you kill them yet?
secret agent man:
use the flamethrower
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i was away, feeding their fingers through the laminator
secret agent man:
Ooooh! Nice. Very Fargo of you.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
the flamethrower will come next…hang on…
secret agent man:
OK
secret agent man:
hurry up.
secret agent man:
the helecopter will be here soon to pick us up
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
damn it…that was tricker than i thought
secret agent man:
yes, but you kilt ‘em good, right?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
got r done
secret agent man:
good
secret agent man:
now wipe that whiskey off your mouth
secret agent man:
it’s embarrasing
secret agent man:
we need to get to the roof
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
but not before they hurled a few cans of diced tomatoes (with basil) my way
secret agent man:
the helecopter is here
secret agent man:
Oh, jesus.
secret agent man:
cockroaches
secret agent man:
the helicopter has cockroaches all over the floor
secret agent man:
nevermind that
secret agent man:
we need to get out of here
secret agent man:
climb in
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
no way dude. not with cockroaches
secret agent man:
GET IN YOU WUSS
secret agent man:
this is important business
secret agent man:
cockroaches be damned
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
we can toss them out one at a time once we’re in the air
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
it’ll be a hoot watching them
secret agent man:
no time for that
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
you are no fun when you’re in this state
secret agent man:
I have a high pressure water gun we can use to blow them out the other side
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
even funner
secret agent man:
Oh, look, they are in Paul’s hair!
secret agent man:
did you see that one crawl up his nose?
secret agent man:
Oh, look at him twitching
secret agent man:
guess they’ll need to find a new Produce guy
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
that’s a shame
secret agent man:
no time for sentiment
secret agent man:
you have the map?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
we don’t need a map
secret agent man:
alright
secret agent man:
I just pushed the pilot out the window
secret agent man:
he doesn’t know anything, and you seem to know where we’re going
secret agent man:
fly this thing
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i told lulu we’d pick her up
secret agent man:
alright, but make it snappy
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
she made sandwiches
secret agent man:
these had better be damn good sandwiches
secret agent man:
what kind are they
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
not sure
secret agent man:
WE ARE GOING TO PICK UP A POSSIBLE INFORMANT WHO “MADE SANDWICHES” AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND THEY ARE?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
she’s on our side, don’t worry
secret agent man:
SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL OF THIS WIND AND THE ‘COPTER BLADES. YOU’LL HAVE TO TALK LOUDER
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i just hope that she didn’t wear the hoop skirt
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
that could potentially complicate things
secret agent man:
WHAT?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
I SAID…I JUST HOPE SHE DIDN’T WEAR THE HOOP SKIRT!!!!!
secret agent man:
IS THAT HER? DOWN THERE IN THE HOOP SKIRT WITH THE LONGEBERGER BASKET?
secret agent man:
I THINK IT IS
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
YES, HANG ON…
secret agent man:
I’M DROPPING THE LINE
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
I’M SWOOPING DOWN…
secret agent man:
SHE’LL HAVE TO GRAB ON AND CLIMB UP
secret agent man:
NO TIME TO LAND
secret agent man:
OK, SHE’S GRABBED ON
secret agent man:
NOW LET’S GO
secret agent man:
I HOPE SHE DOESN’T FALL OFF
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
DON’T WORRY, WE DO THIS ALL THE TIME…
secret agent man:
I TRUST YOU
secret agent man:
LET’S GO
secret agent man:
WHERE EXACTLY ARE WE GOING?
secret agent man:
THE TROOPS IN MADAGASCAR HAVE ANNIHILATED THAT SOCIETY, SO WE FON’T HAVE TO GO THERE
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
ACTUALLY, I CAN’T TELL YOU WHERE WE’RE GOING
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
YOU’LL HAVE TO PUT THIS BLINDFOLD ON.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
LULU AND I ARE IN CHARGE NOW.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
HERE, HAVE A SANDWICH
secret agent man:
OH, JESUS
secret agent man:
CAN’T YOU KEEP THIS CRAFT STEADY?
secret agent man:
I CAN’T SEE A THING
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
HUSH UP AND EAT
secret agent man:
why is the sandwich moving around in my mouth?
secret agent man:
it seems like there is something alive in it
secret agent man:
(Oh, so much better since we put the microphone helmets on)
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
LULU’S ALWAYS COMING UP WITH CRAZY RECIPES
secret agent man:
I can hear you better now
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
I LIKE YELLING
secret agent man:
yelling is OK.
secret agent man:
can you hear me?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
HUH?
secret agent man:
O FOR FUCK’S SAKE
secret agent man:
ARE WE THERE YET?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
NOPE.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
OH SHIT
secret agent man:
I THINK THE THORZINE IS KICKING IN…..
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOMETHING HAPPENING WITH THE TAIL
secret agent man:
MMMRMPHHH
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
I’M GOING TO HAVE TO CRAWL OUT THERE AND FIX IT
secret agent man:
THORZINE…..IS…SO….NICE….
secret agent man:
GIVE….LULU….THE….CONTROLS…../
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
WELL, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO FLY THIS THING
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
LULU’S BUSY KNITTING ORANGE SOCKS
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
HERE.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
IT’S MOSTLY ON AUTO PILOT
secret agent man:
HURRY UP AND FIX THAT TAIL
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
WE WON’T EVEN NEED TO REMOVE THE BLINDFOLD
secret agent man:
WITH THESE DRUGS, I’M HAVNIG A HARD TIME KEEPING THIS THING AIRBORN
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
YEAH.
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
WHERE’S MY TOOLBELT?
secret agent man:
AND THE YARN IS GETTIGN ALL TANGLED IN THE CONTROLS
secret agent man:
TOOLBELT?
secret agent man:
YOU DON’T NEED A TOOLBELT
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
FUCK IT
secret agent man:
HERE, USE THIS PAPERCLIP AND A KNITTING NEEDLE, MCGYVER
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
I’LL JUST USE THIS CHEWING GUM
secret agent man:
PERFECT
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
K, HERE GOES
secret agent man:
NICE JOB
secret agent man:
FLYING THIS THING WITH A BLINDFOLD ON IS MUCH EASIER THAN I THOUGHT
secret agent man:
I AM SO IN TUNE WITH THE UNIVERSE
secret agent man:
I CAN SENSE AND AVOID OBSTACLES
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
WELL, THAT’S GOING TO COME IN HANDY IN JUST A MOMENT…
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
LOOKS LIKE WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A WATER LANDING
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
THAT GUM’S NOT HOLDING…
secret agent man:
I SENSED THAT
secret agent man:
AND I ALSO SENSE THE SHARKS
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
THERE ARE STILL A FEW SANDWICHES LEFT
secret agent man:
I DON’T THINK I CAN SWIM VERY WELL WITH THIS BLINDFOLD, AND FEND OFF THE SHARKS
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
WE’LL FEED THEM TO THE SHARKS
secret agent man:
I HAVE TO TAKE IT OFF
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
OK
secret agent man:
LUCKY LULU WORE HER HOOP SKIRT
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
WE CAN USE IT FOR FLOTATION
secret agent man:
IT’S GOT A SECRET INFLATABLE RAFT FUNCTION SHE DIDNT TELL YOU ABOUT
secret agent man:
O GOOD, SHE’S DEPLOYING IT NOW
secret agent man:
IT’S MADE OF KEVLAR, SO THE SHARKS CANT TOUCH US
secret agent man:
Wow, that was a much more graceful landing than I anticipated
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
THIS COULD BE FUN EVEN, EXCEPT THAT IT’S THE HEIGHT OF MONSOON SEASON
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
The water’s looking a bit choppy…
secret agent man:
looks like the wormhole we just entered sucked me in
secret agent man:
i didn’t expect it, but the whirlpool was the portal to the wormhole
secret agent man:
i went 2500 years into the future
secret agent man:
and learned that if I don’t do a little work this morning, I might disintegrate
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
did you bring your laptop?
secret agent man:
NO
secret agent man:
WHY
secret agent man:
I CAN GRAB IT BEFORE I GO TO THE STUDIO IF YOU NEED SOMETHIGN
secret agent man:
*something
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
if you’d thought to bring it with you, you could work right here in the raft
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
but, as it is, looks like we’ll have to drop you off here
secret agent man:
yeah, the wireless reception isn’t so great out here in the open water
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
there’s an island coming up here on the left…
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
i can call in for a chopper pick-up
secret agent man:
kthanks
secret agent man:
sorry
secret agent man:
people have begun tio arrive + I slammed some folks with a shitton of bugs yesterday
secret agent man:
so they are all in my office now
secret agent man:
anyway
secret agent man:
i have to go
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
yeah, the cockroaches, right?
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
k
secret agent man:
it’s been fun having our little adventure this morning
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
me too actually
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
yeah, i’m a little wiped out
Ninja with Mad Skilz:
that was crazy
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