Back in May, I was paralyzed in fear about my next creative endeavor. I was so pleased with the first iteration of The Leaving and the Left – A Celebration of Love and Loss, that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make anything else as good as that collection. I was avoiding the studio, avoiding thinking about it, avoiding doing any work on any of the backend stuff.

Then, I got a call from Misty, a journalism student who had seen my show back in February and liked it. She wanted to do a documentary on me and the philosophy of the project. She wanted to film me creating a piece start to finish.

O. my. God.

I told her I would do it.

And that forced me back into the studio.

And I did it.

I was working with different materials. Similar materials, but different than the ones I used in the first series of this project. There was a learning curve.

And I pulled it off. I got in there and created. I took new photographs of a new (gorgeous) model and played around with cutting those up and collaging those in a fashion. I figured out how to display the work that uses flimsy metal as its canvas, and cranked out nine new pieces in a little over three months.

It was highly rewarding, very exhausting and truly cleansing for me and for the people who contributed letters to the project. The resulting show, The Leaving and the Left – Teardrop on the Fire, opened August 7th.

And now I think that I’m finished with it. I don’t know. I said that if the donated love letters and post breakup emails didn’t come in, the project would die. And the letters and emails aren’t really coming in. I’ve tried a donation center at the show, I’ve tried Craigslist postings, I’ve Facebooked it and Twittered about it trying to solicit letters for the project. All failed.

So I think it’s over. I really enjoy working in this medium, and I want to continue in this vein, but I don’t know what direction to take it. There are still some behind the scenes things I’d like to accomplish with this project, and there are other (more glorious) reasons that I may abandon it.

People who want to see me continuing on with this project, though, need to submit some letters. Send yours, or tell your friends to submit theirs. Spread the word.

If you haven’t seen the new show, and you live in Missoula, you only have three more days to check it out. It’s at Noteworthy* Paper&Press (near The Wilma, on Higgins) until Thursday afternoon.

The Leaving and the Left – Teardrop on the Fire

Opening Exhibition 08.07.09 • Noteworthy* Paper&Press

Tender, Laughing and Lovely

Originally uploaded by love not fear

I used this photo in this piece. The only work I did on it in the digital darkroom was to adjust levels, contrast & brightness.  The distressed effect of the photo in the final piece is from the glue that I used to apply it to the glass.

Magic Love

Originally uploaded by love not fear

Finished another one. Learning a lot about love, myself, relationships in this process.

The love I have now is real, true, and lasting. I am so happy.

Also learning much about the logistical process of putting these pieces together. One major struggle I’m having is that the metal upon which I’m mounting everything is so thin, I’m having to mount the metal itself onto a piece of wood & hanging it with wire means it pulls away from the wall quite a bit.

Using the “teeth” style hooks may be an option, but there is so little control with those, I think. That, plus pounding them into the wood may break the glass in the artwork.

I may just be having to figure out how to cut my own metal and tack weld a box frame fro these pieces. If I pay Bitterroot Welding to do the same thing, it’s $60 a pop. Worth it, but I don’t have that kind of money for the amount of work I’m planning to produce with this series.

Steampunk Drone

Growing up in the rust belt, I’ve always been fascinated with dilapidated things, worn out parts, rust and decay.  I could never figure out how to paint like that, and I’ve always wanted to.

Sunday, I attended Michael deMang’s The Island of deMented Toys workshop at the ZACC in which we destroyed old toys and created new ones, and, in the process, painted them to make them look old.  It was a whole lot of fun.  I learned techniques that I know I can use in future projects, though I know I probably won’t spend a huge amount of time ripping apart dolls and other old toys.

The process was a fun one, and I’m beginning to figure out which colors to use and how to layer them.

All of the participants will be showing their toys at Tsunami on February 6th, 2009.  That’s this coming First Friday.  Be sure to pop over to Tsunami after you’ve had a chance to see my solo show over at Noteworthy.

Steampunk Drone (detail)

Leaving and the Left - Love That is Shared Between Us

View Large On Black

Newest piece in The Leaving and the Left series

View Large On Black

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

–Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Let yourself be fooled by love...allow despair its destruction

Soft and light in my hand, a letter written on handmade paper ripped so that it was unusable under the dull blade of my X-acto knife. Changing blades, I set down the knife and began gently sifting through the pile of letters before me. Already I had employed what I had found to be the most efficient process to distill the letters thus far, and I entrusted the next selection to the same process. I pick up a letter and read it as fast as I can. looking for a word or phrase that jumps out at me. And I find it. Let yourself be fooled by love. I read the surrounding words and immediately know that I have found the hand that fits the piece. Carefully, I lay over it the glass under which it will be displayed and begin cutting.

Initially, when I conceived of The Leaving and the Left, I thought that I had all of the love letters that had been given to me over the years. What’s more, I believed I had all of the breakup letters as well. Breakup letters isn’t the correct terminology, I guess. It’s the post-breakup letters. All of the breakups were done in person. All began amicably. Hurt and anger, bitterness and sadness, these emotions sullied the memory of something that was once beautiful. And not always my sadness or anger, sometimes it was theirs. As I began pawing through the box of letters, I was surprised to find none of the good-bye and good riddance letters at all. None. So I turned to my computer. And there they were. All of that post-processing. Done via email.

How interesting! When we are in love and life is wonderful and everything is beautiful, we spend lots of time trying to express those feelings of closeness and joy to the other person in delicately handwritten letters on special paper, with carefully chosen pens. The act of writing the letter itself is an expression of love, of intimacy. Yet once that love has shifted, the expression becomes cold and utilitarian. Distant and guarded. This, I decided, is a perfect illustration of the disconnect that occurs when love shifts.

Knowing that you are a crucial part of my life makes me very happy

My intention in embarking on this project almost a year ago was to honor those feelings of love, not in a nostalgic way, but in a way that says, Yeah, this was pretty amazing, this thing we shared. At the same time, I did not want to ignore the ugly and often difficult sentiments that were expressed once the love shifted away from romance and togetherness. And I say “shifted” because even in the most acrimonious breakup, one in which nasty words are exchanged, the intimacy that was once shared is infused into one’s life, and becomes a part of one that cannot be cut away, even with the most delicate and sharpest of scalpels. It becomes a part of us.

The feelings of intense love may fade, but they have been expressed and still exist somewhere out there in the ether. Also floating out there in the Universe are these bitter, rancorous feelings. Feelings that are just as valid and important as the I love yous and You mean the world to mes. Both feelings deserve to be honored, and the best way to do this is to honor them in the same space in time.

As things progress, expect to find more explorations of the project here. In the meantime, you can view some of the completed pieces and details of them over at my Flickr site [link]. If you are in the Missoula area, please be sure to stop by The Art Hang Up [link], where I have four of the pieces displaying (and for sale).