You don’t need to be a beat poet

you with your words reading your souldegrading it to less than a Fox News report, you fucker.

Betraying yourself for fear of true exposure.Read it like you feel it.

Kill the monotone intelligentsia bullshit.

Kill it and read like it’s the last thing you’re allowed to say

when the mugger

ignorant to anything but his next 40,

his next fix,

his next payoff –

knowing you’ll die but allowed the privilege

the luxury

yes, the honor of reading here in our timecrunched presence. Read it like it’s your last breath.

AFFINITY

Before I rant too hard, to be fair, we should take a look at the Usage Note Dictionary.com provides:

Usage Note: In the sense of “attraction,” affinity may be followed by of, between, or with. Thus one may speak of the close affinity of James and Samuel, or of the affinity between James and Samuel, or of James’s affinity with Samuel. In its chemical use affinity is generally followed by for: a dye with an affinity for synthetic fabrics. One might want to avoid using affinity as a simple synonym for liking since 62 percent of the Usage Panel rejects the example [emphasis mine] Her affinity for living in California led her to reject a chance to return to New York. Nevertheless, the more sophisticated tone inherent in this use of the word can lend an archness to certain contexts, as when Barbara Tuchman writes of Kaiser Wilhelm’s‚“affinity for coarse physical jokes practiced upon his courtiers.” This may be why 65 percent of the Usage Panel approved of this quotation when it was presented as an example.*

*WTF? Their sample base can’t be more than 100%, yet 62 + 65 = 127. Something’s wrong here. Language people ain’t mathematicians, eh?

Fair enough. That being said, most folks who use this word are trying too hard to sound smart. Have a look at the definitions and see if you agree with me.

ALAS

No one uses this word in speech without a hint of sarcasm. Not anyone I know. People who use it in writing, again, are trying to sound sophisticated in the sense of

so·phis·ti·cate: To make impure; adulterate.

They are watering down the language with unnecessary verbiage.

ANYWAYS

From the Cajun World Dictionary: “Anyways” A Yat word meaning “And, then” or “and, so”.

I don’t know many Cajuns. What people mean to say is ANYWAY. What they should do instead is remain silent, as often the word is a filler for an uncomfortable silence in which they have nothing to say.

/RANT

Lets get something straight. Papyrus is not an acceptable font anymore than Comic Sans is. Got it? I don’t want to have to say it again.

This was in my inbox this morning, and I just had to share it. Hope you all appreciate it. I’m sure Brad won’t mind.

Friend of my friend S___, a blonde college girlfriend, a blowjob in a
public bathroom, the apology email,and the inspired response. The
spirit was with him….he was not the writer, he was taken over by the
True Presence. It is one of the most goddamn genius emails I have
read. Get through the girl’s email. It is worth it.

E________

—–Original Message—–
From: [mailto:*******
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM
To: ******
Subject: ugh

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I
am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all
of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't
handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird,
I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The
world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me,
there are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I
don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also
hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds
totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant
role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally
strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior
didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you
hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that
fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever
imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my
life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.

I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
really don't think I can handle that.

I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load
of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45
minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't Fuck
him" somehow gave you a clean slate.

So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to
you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been
most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings
for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't
think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run
of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as
your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty
hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my
place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up
tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning
commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for
a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that
when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on
top of a towel dispenser last saturday [sic], we’ll have a shot and laugh
our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC’d about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,
Brad

Been reading Andre Dubus’s collection The Times are Never So Bad collection recently, and stumbled upon the following passage that rang true. The selection is from the story Molly.

Meanwhile, I got hit by the grumpy train last week. I saw it coming, but couldn’t get out of the way. You know what that means.

Some entertainment. [link]  Meanwhile, I’ve not been writing for a while as I am busy putting together an art show. I’ll see if I can’t spare some time, but I doubt it. I’ll be posting the process of putting the show together at the other site, as well as putting up the pieces featured in the show.All for now.[update] So, Rats Live On lives no more. He said, after this little exchange that he was going to quit blogging. But he actually pulled down his site completely.

The entire exchange occurred as a result of a comment I wrote at blogcritics.org on one of his posts. He was posting about the ridiculousness of the new INXS band, and the ordeal of selecting a new lead singer on the reality TV show. He didn’t like how the selections were going.

I commented that his article would have been a stronger one without the use of the word “fuck”. I was very diplomatic in the way I worded my comment so as not to appear attacking. He ripped into me on his now defunct site, personally attacking me, my writing and my art.

All that’s left is the original post over at Blogcritics. Interestingly, even though he killed his blog and is no longer participating at BC, my comment was deleted, but his post remains. Just to be sure, I checked, and my posts themselves have not been deleted.

AOL has recently launched yet another web-based email service. Occasionally, when I am on the air I use AIM Express while in the studio. Whoever is in control of the computer there has permissions locked down, and Messenger is not installed (and, sadly, neither is Firefox) and I sometimes have reason to IM with folks.

Because of this, I received, today, in my regular email account, a notice from AOL that the new mail service had been launched. To save the rest of you the hassle of signing up for an account to take it for a test drive, I’ve done it for you. Login to this AIM Mail account I created with the following:

screename=not5real

PW=aimmailsucks

You can see for yourself what I mean.

My initial thoughts are, well, look at the password I provided, and you can tell my initial thoughts. And here’s why:

1. Gmail does it best
2. Even Hotmail is better than AIM Mail
3. OK those weren’t really reasons
4. Neither is this: I am just acknowledging that I was merely pointing out what AIM Mail is not
5. AIM Mail’s advertising is too in-your-face
6. Limited functionality: 2G of storage — so what? Where’s my free email FWDing? Where’s my free POP?
7. Composing a message opens a pop-up window
8. The GUI is intuitive, but the pageloads are slow, and I tested from a T-1 line
9. Did I mention Gmail?
10. It’s AOL for crying out loud! One of THE WORST service providers around.

Google has raised the bar for web-based email ridiculously high, and I cannot fathom how a better free web-based service would look.

So do yourself a favor, if you had any inkling of giving it a try, use the above login to take it for a drive first.

BTW, if anyone needs an invite, let me know and I’ll get you one. It may not come directly from the linked address, but you’ll get one.

I discovered porn when I was a mere lad of seven or eight. I fell in love for
the first time with the Playboy babes of 1966 up in the dusty loft of my uncle’s
barn. I poured through those magazines in awe, and knew then the purpose of
this thing between my legs that I had been touching before I went to bed since I
was four.

Disclaimer: Many of the links in this post are NSFW.

I grew up, though,
and grew out of it. Porn bores the shit out of me now. What I do find
entertaining, however, is to read porn critiques. Sites like fleshbot and Gram Ponante make me laugh when I can’t
find a smile in a room full of happy clowns.

Some of my regular readers
know that the Comic Sans font is one of my pet peeves. And for some reason,
now, I seek out horrible uses of said font. So when I saw Wild Bill’s site I nearly shot beer
out of my nose laughing.

So far, I haven’t found any bagel fetish sites, or Master Lock sites, but I have found plenty of strange sites overall.

Really, though, porn is simply a symptom of a larger problem. And it has to do specifically with “wildness”, and that place in us that is wild, something about which I have been thinking very much of late, especially after reading
this article. I hung out with Bex this week, and the idea of wildness has
been preying on my mind. I will revisit it in my next post. I’m off to go
explore the night.

(Editor’s note: I have had less than 3 hours sleep today, and I have no idea why the formatting is so effed up today.)